That Time I Kissed Donnie Wahlberg

“First time was a great time/Second time was a blast/Third time I fell in love now I hope it lasts” – You Got It (The Right Stuff)

I don’t recall the exact time or place New Kids on the Block entered my life. You Got It (The Right Stuff) was released in 1988, smack dab in the middle of junior high for me. It was the perfect storm of 13-year-old hormones and a group of cute boys singing and dancing to what would become my music. Plenty of other young girls worldwide were feeling the same way. Seemingly overnight, New Kids were everywhere. They were on bed sheets, t-shirts, trading cards, dolls, lunchboxes, Saturday morning cartoons….everywhere. 

Whenever my family went to the grocery store, I would eagerly make my way to the magazine racks to see what new Teen Bops had my boys on the cover. Those photos would soon cover every inch of my bedroom walls as I had tween-aged fantasies about which one I would marry. Sweet little Joey McIntyre seemed way too young for me (it turns out he’s actually 3 years older than me). Jordan Knight was cute but a little too cute, if you know what I mean. Jonathan Knight seemed more awkward than I was, and Danny Wood was just way too buff for a guy singing about Loving You Forever. Donnie Wahlberg turned out to be the one for me.

Donnie was the “bad boy” of the group. At that time, “bad boy” just really meant that his jeans were super ripped, he wore bandanas, and he was loud and rambunctious. A few years later, it would come to mean that he would get drunk and set hotel carpets on fire (no one was hurt).

But it wasn’t just the ripped jeans. Donnie had a whimsy about him. He seemed fun and funny. He also had swag; even though at 13, I didn’t precisely know what “swag” was, I recognized that I liked it. He always seemed almost too cool to even be in a boy band. But it was apparent that he loved every minute of it. My attraction to Donnie would be an early indicator of the types of men I would later find myself drawn to.

Each girl in my 8th grade class had her favorite. We wore the giant button pins on our jean jackets with our decided “husbands” prominently featured. Our birthday parties were just an opportunity to watch New Kids videos and compare any new merchandise. For my 14th birthday, my mom got me concert tickets to see my then most favorite band in the world! We lived in a city that rarely got any big music acts, and this was no exception. They would be playing in Detroit, MI about an hour away. But to my dismay, there was a terrible snowstorm during the week of the concert, so we were unable to attend. Needless to say, I was devastated. 

“Girl, we’ve known each other for so long/Chemistry between us has grown strong” – Never Let You Go

My obsession with the boys dwindled throughout high school, but the love always secretly remained. In a moment of ill-advised rebranding, they released a new album in 1993 entitled “Face the Music”, changing their name to NKOTB. Even though that wasn’t exactly where I was musically anymore, I bought a used copy.

“Face the Music” was like their battle cry, telling the world there was more to them than the bubble gum trading cards and neon clothing. No longer teens, they were playing with a sexier vibe. The first single released, “Dirty Dawg” is all about getting cheated on even though she was given everything and now she’s begging to be taken back. The music video features the boys wearing clothing that screams of white boys trying to be “down.” The backward newsboy’s hats, oversized jeans, vests, flannels, and leather gloves. Most of them were sporting the Ceaser haircut made popular by George Clooney during his residency on ER. Joey is wearing ski goggles with no snow in sight. Oh, and not every man was able to pull off the pencil-thin goatees that year. The kids were naaa-sty!  Donnie even had a walking stick—sweet fancy Moses.

“Somebody said somebody/Wouldn’t last too long” – Games

In my opinion, there are about four decent songs on that album. Commercially, I don’t think it was much of a success, which may have put a hold on future group projects. After we all faced the music, New Kids on the Block, or NKOTB as a unit, seemed to be a thing of the past. A couple of them had solo projects, while Donnie seemed to concentrate on his acting career. Did anyone else buy a ticket to “The Sixth Sense” because you were told Donnie was in it, only to get to the end credits and realize you never saw him? And then you read the credits and were mortified? Or was that just me?

Jordan released his self-titled solo album in 1999, which was really of the time; I still enjoy it. Coincidentally, Donnie co-produced my favorite track, “Don’t Run.” In fact, my friends and I went to see him in concert twice (2004 and 2005), hoping to catch at least 1/5 of what I had missed out on seeing in concert way back when. The shows were enjoyable, and I even got to meet Jordan for a hot second to get an autograph. During our brief encounter, when Jordan asked me with lingering eyes what my boob-boosting tank top read (RuggedAngel), I felt like I could have made some bad decisions with him that night. BUT, that’s not what this essay is about.

“Little girl, you’re clearly not the same kid from the block” – Big Girl Now

Then, in 2008, the grown-ass women of Generation X were blindsided by a delightful surprise. The boys reemerged. In 14 years, we Blockheads had barely heard a peep from them. It was a big deal with teasing social media posts and a Today Show appearance. And much to everyone’s approval, they dropped the ridiculous acronym of NKOTB and got back to using their full government name. “Summertime” was their reentry into our hearts with a music video showcasing each New Kid, seemingly getting a text from Donnie alerting them that it was time to get back to the music. Standing on yachts and beaches, bathed in golden sunset lighting, singing about a summertime love affair. I love the song, but there is a line that Jordan sings, alluding to his inability to respect boundaries.

They were all grown up, and so were their fans. No more asking for parental funds; we now had our own money to spend on whatever frivolous things we wanted. We longed to momentarily go back in time with no kids, careers, or real responsibilities for just the length of an album. The Gen X Blockheads were immediately reminded of the special feeling each one of our boys gave us.

The new album was called The Block, and the second single, called Single, was the one that made me fall right back in love. It was a sexy little groove with a line, “Pretend that I’m your man tonight.” Knowing full well that’s what we’ve all been doing since 1989. The music video, which takes place in a dance club, proved that the boys, er men, still had the swag and sex appeal, even more so now that they were grown. 

Although not all tracks were bangers, that album was enough to bring me back to my full fan gurl status. In 2013, right around my birthday in February, I found out they were going on tour. And they were coming to my town. Luckily, my husband remembered my sad little story of junior high disappointment and surprised me with three tickets for my birthday. He told me I could take anyone else I wanted, but one of those tickets was for him. It tickled me to think of my husband, who had never voluntarily listened to a whole New Kids song, wanting to go to this show. His reason? He wanted to witness my joy. *swoon* The only other person I wanted to share this experience with was my younger sister, who was, of course, an OG Blockhead as well. She was more than happy to hop on a plane and join me in the madness come June. 

“25 years still got ’em packed in/still keep ’em moist need a napkin” – Block Party

June 11, 2013 arrived. The Package Tour had arrived in Pittsburgh. We were ready. The closer we got to the arena the more giddy we became. The show was to start at 7:30, with 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men opening. We arrived a bit later, thinking concerts don’t ever start on time and we didn’t care if we missed 98 Degrees. We got there in the middle of Boyz II Men’s set and sonofbitch, they started on time! Another marker of being a bunch of adults. They know their fans got work in the morning and babysitters to pay. Punctuality is everything!

We hustled to our seats…which were AMAZING! Prior to the event, I had a general idea of where our seats were, but I wasn’t expecting what we showed up to: FLOOR SEATS, right at the edge of the stage. My husband earned major points on that one. As Boyz II Men finished their set, we stood there for maybe 15 minutes, calmly waiting for our boys to take the stage. 

The house lights went down, and we heard Donnie’s voice. Accompanied by a video on the large screens, he recites the night’s affirmations.

I am prepared to have the time of my life.

I will leave all the drama and worries behind.

I deserve this night.

My sister and I, for the most part, are very poised individuals who keep our emotions pretty close to the vest. But, this night, something was slowly taking over. I began to get chills once Donnie said, “We own tonight!” The first few “We Own Tonight” bars started as the stage lights came alive. My sister and I are clutching each other. Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Jonathan, and Joey appeared on stage. Years of watching the music videos, listening to the music, putting their likeness on my junior high bedroom walls…they were now right there. 

The energy in the arena was vibrating with thousands of screaming women who were letting out all of the stress of adulthood and returning to the young girls they once were. Before we could stop it, my sister and I were screaming right along with them, losing our level-headed minds and transforming into FANGIRLS. 

The show will forever live in my top five concerts attended. These men are all over 40, still hitting the choreography and notes, working the crowd, and looking good doing it. They cycled through old favorites, like “You Got The Right Stuff,” mixed in new music, “Block Party,” and some unexpected covers, like “Faith” by George Michael. This was a party, and no one wanted it to end. 

My sister got the 2nd best concert interaction for the night. Joey Her-Favorite-New-Kid McIntyre came to her at the edge of the stage, grabbed her hand and proceeded to serenade her for a line or two. I had never seen anyone actually swoon in real life, but there she was…swooning. 

Once we reach the show’s end, the boys have changed into white baseball jerseys. The stage starts to rise to the intro to Dropkick Murphy’s “I’m Shipping Out to Boston.” They are proud Bostonians, after all. The song blends into “Hangin Tough,” and the confetti cannons go off as the boys pull out all of the stops.  Donnie is going hard, working the entire stage. He lands a few feet away from me and looks over at me. It seems like we locked eyes and then he points to me. I’m well into party mode, so I wave him over. Come on, then! And then he makes his way over to me. Before I know what’s real, Donnie Wahlberg is standing right in front of me, leaning in to kiss me on my lips. In that half a second, 5,733 things went through my head. 

Is this happening?

Is he going for my lips?

How many other lips has he kissed this week?

My husband is here!

RESPOND WOMAN!

So I turned my head, offering him my cheek, and then promptly metaphorically blacked out.

When I came to, I kind of shuffled away from the stage toward my husband. He just laughed and smiled at me…bless his non-jealous heart. The show was now officially over, and I had no idea what to do with myself. If it weren’t for my husband, sister, and the random women recognizing me as the one Donnie picked, I would swear the whole thing was a hallucination 24 years in the making.  I have no photographic proof of any of it. Just my memories and the smile that creeps on my face whenever I see photos and videos of Donnie in his slutty little glasses.